BADFIC - If you'd rather save your brain cells, skip to the next bit of bold print to read the hopefully more amusing summary (and also script to the audio version, which I will be linking to once it's posted).

 

Author: Mew Mew Neko

 

Summary: Ichigo came home from school, still; blushing from Aoyama-kun! But, when she gets home, she got a cell phone call, the aleins are attacking! After their fight, and explosion came around...R&R PLEASE! COMPLETE!

 

Rating: G

 

Title: Meet the new Mew-mew!

 

CHAPTER 1: ALEIN ATTACK

 

DISCLAMER: I don not own any of these characters…except Neko Romero, A.K.A, Mew -Mew Neko

 

It was a normal day at Ichigo’s school. Ichigo was at lunch, eating her dessert, which was strawberries and ice cream! Her friends sat with her, confused, because Ichigo was eating like a…..well…a cat! But, they just thought it was super hunger. They chatted for awhile, then school ended.

 

Ichigo- Sayoonara!

 

Ichigo said to her friends, ready to go home. When, all of a sudden, she bumped into Aoyama-kun!

 

Ichigo-Oh! I’m so sorry! I…didn’t watch where-

 

Ichigo looked up and saw Masaya Aoyama.

 

Ichigo- Aoyama-kun! I….I’m sorry.. I didn’t-

 

Aoyama-kun put his index finger on Ichigo’s mouth. ( 0 I’m a IA fan, of course!)

 

Aoyama-kun- Ichigo, it’s okay. Accidents happen. Let me help you pick your books up.

 

Ichigo blushed.

 

When they finished helping each other, Aoyama-kun said goodbye.

 

Aoyama-kun- Ichigo, I’ll see you tomorrow. Ja ne!

 

Ichigo- Bye…Aoyama-kun…blushes and falls on head with hearts in eyes (w)

 

Ichigo went home, and got a cell phone call.

 

beep

 

Ichigo- Huh?

 

Pudding- Ichigo, Ichigo, come help! You hear Pai’s voice saying “WINDY THUNDER FAN!” Help! I’m with Mint! Go to Central Park!

 

Ichigo- I’m on it, Pudding!

 

Ichigo called Lettuce, and Zakuro.

 

Ichigo and her friends ran to Central Park.

 

Kish- Ha-ha! Fight!

 

Pai- WINDY THUNDER FAN!

 

Tart- HIIYA! kicks

 

Ichigo and her friends arrived.

 

Ichigo- MEW MEW STRAWBERRY! MATAMORPHASIS!

 

LETTUCE- MEW MEW LETTUCE! METAMORPHASIS!

 

ZAKURO- MEW MEW ZAKURO! METAMORPHASIS!

 

They all transformed. Then, they fought so much, Pai was knocked out, and Tart, had booboos on his head! Kish…well, he was crouched in a ball sucking his finger. ( :D!) Ha-ha!

 

Then, a strange explosion sound came.

 

AUTHORNOTES

 

Sorry, if that was really short! I was tuckered out. I joined the net really late at night. ;

 

 

Meet the new Mew-Mew!

 

CHAPTER 2: NEW MEW-MEW!

 

Ichigo: What’s happening?!

 

Mint: Great!

 

Lettuce: NO!

 

BLAST

 

Kish: Oh, no! Guys, retreat!

 

Pai: Agreed.

 

Tart: Wahhh!

 

The aliens retreated, they went away.

 

Zakuro: They won’t be gone for long.

 

Pudding: Let’s go see what happened!

 

They Mew-Mews ran to the explosion. The explosion was near the DNA place.

 

Ichigo: Oh no!

 

Mint: Someone else was fused with an animal?!

 

Pudding: Could be!

 

When they arrived, they saw a young girl on the floor.

 

Ichigo: Wake up! Are you okay?

 

???: Huh?...oh…I don’t…ow….is that you?

 

Ichigo: Wait…Neko? Neko! You’re back!

 

Neko smiled as she stood up.

 

Neko: I’m so glad, Ichigo. You are a Mew-mew!

 

Ichigo: gasp Oh, yeah! thinks But I can trust you. We’ve been together as friends for 2 years. And you’ve never lied, and, you’re still mature after all these years !But, you’re becoming 12! hugs Neko But, you’re still a little insane!

 

Neko: I know, are the other girls the rest of the Mew-mews? Awesome.

 

Mint: Hi, I’m Minto Aizawa. Call me Mint.

 

Lettuce: Salutations! I am Retasu Midorikawa. Call me Lettuce.

 

Pudding: Hi-hi! My name is Purin Fon! Call me Pudding.

 

Zakuro: Nice to meet you, my name is Zakuro Fujiwara. Just call me Zakuro.

 

Neko: Konnichiwa. bows I am pleased to meet the rest of the Mew-Mews.

 

Mint: Wow, you are mature.

 

Neko: Like Ichigo said before, once you get to know me, I’ll be my old self. thinks about something exciting Oh! Ichigo, I will be in your class! dances around ears and tail pop up

 

Neko: Ah! What happened to me?

 

Ichigo: Well, you see, Ichigo explains everything about the Mew-Mew project, and the Café Mew-Mew

 

Neko: Well, it seems that…I am a cheetah! Cool!

 

notes

 

If that was a little longer, I’m glad it was. Please R&R!

 

 

Meet the new Mew-mew!

 

Chapter 3: Her waitress job and first fight!

 

disclaimer I DON’T OWN ANY CHRCATERS…EXCEPT Neko.

 

Ichigo: Would you like to join the team?

 

Neko: Boy, would I!

 

Pudding: Yay! A new addition to the team!

 

Neko: hugs everyone I’m glad!

 

Mint: thinking ( I should be a little nice to her…) Yeah! Welcome.

 

Zakuro: Yes, welcome.

 

Ichigo: Hey, we have to inform Shirogane and Keiichiro!

 

Neko: Who’s that?

 

Ichigo: They are the ones behind the Mew-Mew project.

 

Neko: blinks twice Oh…okay.

 

The Mew-mews went to Café Mew-Mew.

 

Lettuce: Keiichiro! Ichigo’s friend, Neko, was caught in an DNA incident!

 

Keiichiro: Oh, welcome to the Café Mew-Mew. grabs Neko’s hand, and kisses it like a gentlemen

 

Neko: blinks Oh...he-he…smiles with light blush Konnichiwa.

 

Shirogane- Hi, welcome.

 

Neko: Konnichiwa to you too.

 

Keiichiro: Well, you need an outfit. Your waitress outfit.

 

Neko: My favorite colors are purple, pink and blue. Why don’t you make an outfit with those colors?

 

Keiichiro: I’M ON IT! runs

 

Shirogane: Hmmm…I guess I’ll go help.

 

Keiichiro: yelling from distance What animal are you?!

 

Neko: Cheetah!

 

Keiichiro: The mark is on your legs then.

 

Ichigo: Also, when you transform, you need to say: MEW-MEW NEKO! METAMORPHASIS! Okay?

 

Neko: O…kay.

 

Keiichiro ran to the room.

 

Keiichiro: All done! runs, and slips and crashes

 

Mint: Great.

 

Keichiro: I meant to do that.

 

Neko: Thanks for the waitress outfit.

 

Then, a little jewel that looked like a heart with purple, pink and blue in it poofed in front of Neko, it was her metamorphosis jewel.

 

Neko: I this my…?

 

Ichigo: Yes, metamorphosis jewel. We all have one.

 

Neko: Cool!

 

Zakuro: Something is going on outside.

 

Lettuce: Huh?

 

Pudding: Let’s go find out!

 

Neko: She’s right!

 

Ichigo: Okay, let’s go then!

 

The Mew-Mews ran out to find Kish, Pai, and Tart.

 

Kish: Huh? A new Mew-Mew? Excellent!

 

Ichigo: Mew-Mews, transform!

 

Everyone: Hai!

 

Ichigo: MEW-MEW STRAWBERRY! METAMORPHOSIS!

 

MINT: MEW-MEW MINT! METAMORPHOSIS!

 

LETTUCE: MEW-MEW LETTUCE! METAMORPHOSIS!

 

PUDDING: MEW-MEW PUDDING! METAMORPHOSIS!

 

ZAKURO: MEW-MEW ZAKURO! METAMORPHOSIS!

 

Neko: Um…MEW-MEW NEKO! METAMORPHOSIS!

 

They all started transforming.

 

Ichigo: Ribbon Strawberry Check! attacks Kish

 

Kish: Ow! Err! kicks her

 

Ichigo starts fighting with Kish.

 

Mint: Ribbon Mint Echo! attacks Kish

 

Mint: Let me give you a hand, Ichigo!

 

Ichigo: Smiled, and then they proceeded fighting.

 

Lettuce: Ribbon Lettuce Rush! attacks Pai

 

Pai: Ah! WINDY THUNDER FAN! attacks back

 

Zakuro: kicks him Ribbon Zakuro Spear!

 

Pudding: Ribbon Pudding Inferno! attacks Tart

 

Tart: kicks and punches her Err! See how you like it!

 

Neko: Whoa...I have Cheetah ears…and a tail! And a neat-looking dress!

 

Pudding: Do your attack! And help me!

 

Neko: Oh, yeah! But what is it? thinks

 

Neko: Okay, RIBBON NEKO SLASH!

 

Neko instinctively said.

 

It attacked Tart, it was powerful so, he was knocked out, but he soon recovered, but was too scared to attack, and retreated.

 

Neko: Cool! looks at Pai Err, thinks (maybe I have two powers! RIBBON NEKO ROAR!

 

Neko roared and sound waves blasted and hurted Pai’s ears.

 

Pai: Ow! Err, I’ll come back...but…not until tomorrow…

 

Neko: Ha! Awesome! RIBBON NEKO RUN OVER!

 

Neko aimed at Kish, and she ran really fast and it ran him over, he was a little flat.

 

Kish: Hey! I’ll be back, when I get puffed back to normal! thinks (Wow, she has interesting powers…)

 

Neko: Beat that, lame-o faces!

 

Everyone gathered around Neko, and hugged her.

 

Ichigo: I didn’t know you had so much attacks!

 

Neko: I didn’t know either, but it’s pretty cool!

 

The day was saved, and, neko got to live with Ichigo! So did her mom and dad.

 

Ichigo’s cell phone rang.

 

Neko picked it up.

 

Neko: Hello, Momomiyas’ residence!

 

Aoyama-kun: Huh? Who is this?

 

Neko: Are you Aoyama-kun?

 

Aoyama-kun: Yes, who is this?

 

Neko: Neko Romero, I am a close, close friend of Ichigo’s. She told me about you. I hope we can become friends.

 

Aoyama-kun: Sure, I would like to meet you in person. Hey, can I talk to Ichigo if she’s there?

 

Neko: Sure! Ichigo, come over here, it’s for you!

 

Ichigo came running to her room.

 

Ichigo: Who is it?

 

Neko: Aoyama-kun!

 

Ichigo: W-what? Really! Oh, cool! grabs phone H-hi…Aoyama-kun…you need anything?

 

Aoyama-kun: Why don’t we go on…a…date?

 

Ichigo: blushes red Oh…sure…tonight?

 

Aoyama-kun: Yes, 8:00?

 

Ichigo: Yes!

 

Aoyama-kun: Okay. Is it okay if I meet your friend also afterwards? She says you are her closest friend.

 

Ichigo: Whatever you say, Aoyama-kun! It’s okay!

 

Aoyama-kun: Okay, bye!

 

NOTES

 

HAHAHAH! Cliffy! I hope that was long enough for you guys! Please R&R!

 

 

Meet the new Mew-Mew!

 

Chapter 4: Ichigo and Aoyama-kun’s date!

 

DISCLAIMER I do not own any Mew-mew characters! Except Mew Neko!

 

Also, thanks for the reviews, BlueDragonGirl1!

 

Neko: So, what did he saaaaaaaaaay??! Neko said excitedly.

 

Ichigo: He said… he…IS GOING OUT ON A DATE WITH ME!

 

Neko: YAYA! Good for you!

 

Ichigo: YEEEEEEEEES!

 

Neko was glad that her friend was happy.

 

Neko: Hey, Ichigo…what are you doing? Neko said, with boredom on her face.

 

Ichigo: Getting ready for the date!

 

It was already the time. Ichigo looked at it.

 

Ichigo: AHH! Gatta go gatta go! Ichigo ran outside. Neko also ran with her.

 

Ichigo: Huh?

 

Neko: He wanted to meet me after the date, remember?

 

Ichigo: He’ll meet you right here!

 

Neko: Oh, right!

 

Aoyama-kun arrived.

 

Aoyama-kun: Hi, Ichigo! Hi…Neko!

 

Neko introduced herself.

 

Aoyama-kun: Ready for the date, Ichigo?

 

Ichigo: YES, YES- Uh, yes, Aoyama-kun.

 

Neko snickered, and then patted Ichigo’s back.

 

Aoyama-kun, and Ichigo, and Neko were at the restaurant. Neko was just there to save Ichigo from any embarrassment.

 

Surprisingly, they were at Café Mew-Mew.

 

Neko: Oo! I work here, gatta go, Ichigo, but I’ll be behind your back!

 

Neko ran to Keiichiro’s room.

 

Neko: Keiichiro, Ichigo is on a dtae, so don’t embarrass her! But I’ll work.

 

Keiichiro: Okay.

 

Ichigo: Aoyama-kun, what do you want to eat? Ichigo said, in a nervous tone.

 

Aoyama-kun: Hmm…Strawberry Cake.

 

Ichigo: Cool! That’s what I will have too.

 

Neko got her orders, and served them.

 

Aoyama-kun: Wow, this cake is great.

 

Ichigo: Yeah.

 

Ichigo was so nervous, she didn’t even leave crumbs on her plate!

 

Later on, they went out of Café Mew-Mew, but…at an amusement park, they went to “The Tunnel Of Love” Ichigo was so nervous, she had to breath really hard. Neko watched.

 

Aoyama-kun: Ichigo, I’ve always wanted to tell you something…

 

Ichigo: What is it? Ichigo was breathing al lot harder.

 

Aoyama-kun: I…love you…Ichigo.

 

Ichigo: Aoyama-kun! I…love you…too.

 

Then………

 

They slowly came forward, reaching each others faces, then, finally lips touching. It was long and sweet.

 

Neko yelled out quietly “YES!”

 

When their date was over, Ichigo came home, happy. Well, she was the happiest girl!

 

Neko: I’ m really happy for you, Ichigo! Aoyama-kun is your boyfriend!

 

Ichigo: I know…sighs in joy But, too bad he is going to America for 2 weeks. But, that kiss will last forever!

 

Neko: I still don’t know how you can like boys.

 

Ichigo went to bed, and Neko, built a hammock, and slept there.

 

AUTHOR NOTES

 

Hi! I hope you liked this chapter, especially those AoyamaIchgo fans! Hey, will be exciting! R&R! ( I hope it’s exciting to you guys!)

 

 

Meet the new Mew-Mew!

 

Chapter 5: Aoyama-kun…kidnapped! And Neko’s plan!

 

DISCLAIMER

 

I don not own any characters, except Neko, but, since I didn’t want to spoil this in the beginning, but, I own the villain in this chapter! Also, thanks for the review, Bluedragongirl1! (Is that right? Sorry if it’s wrong, but, my memory is weird, and, I have school now. KILL IT! Oops..)

 

THANKS FOR THE REVIEW!

 

ON TO THE STORY!

 

Ichigo woke up peacefully. Neko…well, in her hammock, her hands were under her bottom, and her feet under her face. (LOL) Ichigo chuckled.

 

Neko woke up.

 

Neko: Ah! Oh…hi…onee-s-a…ma…stepsister…Ichigo…

 

Ichigo could tell she was still tired.

 

Ichigo: Keep sleeping, Neko.

 

Neko: But…I don’t…want too…falls asleep

 

Ichigo again chuckled.

 

Ichigo went out of the room.

 

Neko opened one eye, running out of the hammock, and jumped on Ichigo.

 

Ichigo: Neko! HAHAAH! Stop! That tickles!!

 

Neko: ONEE-SAMA IS TICKLISH! YAYI!

 

Neko kept tickling her, and then, finally stopped.

 

Ichigo: Oh…

 

Neko: Your face is red!! dances around

 

Ichigo: Now, let’s see you!

 

Ichigo and Neko started a tickle fight. Ichigo felt more little again.

 

Neko and Ichigo got tired. They went and ate breakfast.

 

Neko: Eat breakfast, to break your…fast!

 

Ichigo blurted out laughing, with bits of cereal coming out.

 

Neko: WHAT?! It wasn’t that funny!

 

Ichigo: Puh ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

 

Neko continued her food, also laughing.

 

Ichigo: You are just too ridiculous sometimes.

 

Neko finished her breakfast, and so did Ichigo.

 

Neko and Ichigo went outside, and went to the amusement park.

 

Lettuce: Ichigo, Neko! Hi!

 

Pudding: Hi-hi-hi! NOW, WE HAVE QWADROPLE THE FUN!

 

Mint: I think...that’s not the word..

 

Pudding: MITOSIS!

 

Zakuro had a sweatdrop: No…

 

Pudding: GINGINGIVITUS!

 

Neko: Hee-hee! That’s a gum disease!

 

Ichigo: Well, let’s just have fun.

 

Everyone: YEAH!

 

Zakuro just nodded.

 

They went on the roller coaster, got cotton candy, went on the twister and many more rides and food.

 

Ichigo: I feel sick…

 

Neko: Onee-samas…bleah…

 

Pudding: You said it!

 

Lettuce: Erm…ech!

 

Mint: Oh…stomach…hurting..

 

Zakuro: Good thing I didn’t eat much.

 

They all went home.

 

Ichigo got a call.

 

Ichigo: Hello?

 

???: Aoyama-kun…you want him?

 

Ichigo: What?!

 

???: Do you…want to save him?

 

Ichigo: WHO ARE YOU?!

 

???: Never mind that, brat. If you want Aoyama-kun-

 

Ichigo: Yes! YES!

 

???: Shut up! If you want him, bring me $1,000,000 in cash.

 

Ichigo: ARE YOU SOME KIND OF CRIMINAL?!

 

???:Quiet! Give me it…or, your Aoyama-kun is dead!

 

Ichigo: No! Okay…okay…

 

???: Excellent.

 

The mysterious man hung up.

 

Ichigo cried.

 

Neko came from the bathroom.

 

Neko: Are you okay, Ichigo?! Ichigo!

 

Ichigo: Someone kidnapped Aoyama-kun! continues crying

 

Neko was worried. Ichigo told the rest.

 

Neko: Let’s get the other girls…and rescue him!

 

Ichigo: Where are we going to get the money?!

 

Neko: Hmm…play money?

 

Ichigo grinned.

 

Neko: We just have to make it real enough. And, we give it to him, in a place where cameras are on national television, and cops are watching! But the criminal doesn’t know.

 

Ichigo: Good plan!

 

Ichigo called all of the girls and explained what happened.

 

Lettuce: We are we going to get the play money?

 

Neko grabbed the phone and said: Find a website, and print out $1,000,000 play money!

 

Lettuce had a sweatdrop.

 

Pudding came on: That could work!

 

Pudding: I like the way you think!

 

Neko smiled.

 

Neko: Let’s do it!

 

Author Notes

 

HAHA! A CLIFFY! Sorry, if it was short, but It was a little long. The next, will be a little exciting…like this one! Besides, it’s almost my bedtime! 10:00 P.M!

 

Bye!

 

Mew Neko or jasmro1995. Nya!

 

 

 

Meet the new Mew-Mew!

 

Chapter 6: Saving Aoyama-kun!

 

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY CHARACTERS EXCEPT NEKO AND…THE VILLAIN!

 

Thanks for the review, bluedragongirl1!

 

Mint, Pudding, Lettuce, and Zakuro were at Ichigo’s door.

 

Pudding: Have you at least printed out 1,000? Or 5,000? Or 14,000? Or 30,000?!

 

Neko:…30,000…wait…Ichigo, how many?

 

Ichigo: 999,999!

 

Neko: Okay, almost ready!

 

Ichigo looked at the printer.

 

Ichigo: Oh no! We ran out of ink!

 

Pudding: TO THE STORE!

 

Lettuce: Do we even have money?

 

Neko: I have allowances…so, I have $21!

 

Mint: Hooray.

 

The mew-mews ran to the store, and they looked like chibis! 0

 

Neko looked at the ink shelf…colors…colors…aha! FOUND IT!

 

Neko called out.

 

Zakuro: Good.

 

Neko ran to the cashier.

 

Neko: GIVE ME THS INK COLOR!

 

Cashier: How much money do you got?

 

Neko: $21! And give me change please.

 

Cashier: Okay.

 

The cashier scanned the price and gave Neko her change.

 

Neko: Thank you!

 

Ichigo: Thanks.

 

They went out the store.

 

Then, they ran like little chibis again, to the house.

 

Neko printed out one more fake dollar.

 

Everyone: YES!

 

The phone rang.

 

Neko: Hello?

 

???: Listen kid, you got the money?

 

Neko: Yes, it’s all right here in my full, full, pocket! $1,000,000 is here!

 

???: Good job…now, go to America…and in Florida, you will go to Miami, and go to the house that is mostly dark. Got it?

 

Neko: Loud and clear!

 

The man hung up.

 

Mint: Um…how are we going to get to America?

 

Neko collapsed anime style.

 

Neko: Use our powers! Or, secretly sneak into the plane. Using my…CAMOFLAUGE BUBBLEGUM!

 

Zakuro: Right…

 

Pudding: CAN YOU BE INVISIBLE?!

 

Neko: Yes, once you spit out the gum, you will be visible again.

 

Everyone and Zakuro: WE’RE IN!

 

Neko and the mews ran to the airport, and sneaked in. With their gum, of course.

 

They were at America, Florida, Miami!

 

Mint: Florida’s the HOTTEST place I’ve ever been too.

 

Ichigo: Do you mean that in a manner about the weather or a joke?

 

Mint: Seriously, the hottest.

 

Neko: Well, let’s go to that house.

 

They arrived there…it sure was creepy!

 

They went inside.

 

???: Hello, girls.

 

He walked…so…CREEPY!

 

Ichigo: We got your $1,000,000! Give us Aoyama-kun!

 

Neko: We’ll give it to you…over there!

 

Neko pointed to the video studio.

 

???: Okay…

 

The man toke Aoyama-kun with the girls to the video station. The guards were asleep.

 

Also, the cameras were on national T.V, and the police were watching…

 

Police man #1: By Joe! There’s the criminal we’ve been looking for! Reddy Jones! A.K.A,

 

Aka-man.

 

Police #2: And he must have made children give him money for the boy! But…they’re teens!

 

Reddy Jones: Thank you gals, here is the boy you’ve wanted…

 

Reddy looked at the money, he didn’t even realize it was fake.

 

Then, all of a sudden, Ichigo kicked him on the head, and Neko punched him.

 

Police #1: They are good teens! Let’s go over there and take the guy to jail!

 

Police #2: Roger.

 

The police went over there, and toke the man to jail. Ichigo woke up Aoyama-kun.

 

Neko looked at Ichigo. Neko realized, Ichigo wanted some alone time. And, she turned off the national TV cameras. She and the rest of the mew-mews went out to tell the police everything.

 

Ichigo: Aoyama-kun…wake up.

 

Aoyama-kun: What happened?

 

Ichigo explained everything.

 

Aoyama-kun: Thanks for saving me.

 

Aoyama-kun stood up.

 

Ichigo hugged Aoyama-kun.

 

Then they both kissed in the lips.

 

Neko looked.

 

Neko: Bleah!

 

Neko quietly said.

 

Neko: But I’m happy for you.

 

Ichigo and Aoyama-kun came out.

 

Neko: I’m so happy we saved the day!

 

Neko twirled around.

 

Ichigo and Neko went home. And Reddy? Crying in jail like a baby!

 

Ichigo came in front of the camera, as if she knew she was on real TV life!

 

Ichigo: Well, that;s the story, but…the next chapters are about Neko and me only! Maybe even her first love!

 

NOTES:

 

Well, the next chapter is about Neko’s love! Hee-hee! No bad guys, just romance and love! The Christmas chapter!

 

Please R&R!

 

 

 

Meet the new Mew-Mew!

 

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY CHRACTERS EXCEPT NEKO AND…KUNTARO MISHUMI!

 

The next day, Ichigo woke up, and…Neko, was already a wake!

 

Ichigo: Neko? What time is it?...

 

Neko: Oh, 6:00.

 

Ichigo: AHHH! I NEED TO GET DRESSED BEFORE 6:30!

 

Ichigo ran out of bed, and bumped tripped on her clothes pile that Neko setted up.

 

Neko: I made breakfast, and prepared your clothes. I am already done with myself!

 

Ichigo: It’s good to have you around.

 

Neko: Thanks!

 

Ichigo:

 

Hamtaro came on.

 

Neko: ALLRIGHT! HAMTARO I LOVE YOU!!

 

Ichigo:That’s another story I’ll tell someday…

 

Neko: My Ham-hams…if she heads for trouble we won’t let her….My best friends…Hamtaro….Little Hamsters big adventures! Hamtaro! giggles

 

Ichigo: Hey, Neko. Let’s go up for break fast. I’ll recorde the show since this episode is new.

 

Neko: Okay!

 

Ichigo set up the recorder,

 

Neko was eating a ham sandwich. Ichigo was eating Trix Cereal.

 

Neko ate for 30 minutes. Ichigo ate for 5 minutes.

 

Ichigo: Why so long?

 

Neko: …Is Hamtaro done?

 

Ichigo: Yeah! Come watch the recorded version!

 

Neko: YAY!

 

Neko went and watched Hamtaro…the recorded version.

 

Then, Ihigo realized, they shouldn’t have taken all those minutes. SCHOOL! But, the schedule changed. Ichigo was relieved. School started at 9:30.

 

Hamtaro was done, and Ichigo and Neko went to school.

 

When they arrived at school, Neko saw a boy.

 

She…got the feeling that…she liked in him or loved him in some way.

 

Neko: Ichigo…look. Isn’t that boy…

 

Ichigo: Cute?

 

Neko: (blushes like an apple) No…handsome…

 

Ichigo: You like him don’t you?

 

Neko: Yes…

 

Ichigo pushed Neko into the boy: Talk to him!

 

Neko: Ahh! (drops on boy)

 

Neko: I’m sorry! So sorry…

 

Boy: (looks up) It’s okay. It’s an accident.

 

Neko: (blushes real hard) (takes boy’s and to help him up) Okay…let me help you with your books.

 

Boy: Thanks. Oh, my name is Kuntaro Mishumi. Yours?

 

Neko: Neko Romero…

 

Kuntaro: I’m in your class! Let’s talk together at lunch. Okay?

 

Neko: (looks at him) Yes!

 

Ichigo: I’m so proud, she’s already got one, and she’s doing good! Well, she did help my with my date.

 

Ichigo: Good job, Neko!

 

Neko: Thanks! I’ll be more nervous…at lunch! Will you embarrass me?!

 

Ichigo: No! Did you?

 

Neko: Nope.

 

Ichigo: So I won’t.

 

Neko smiled, as they both went to school.

 

It was lunch time. So, Neko was at her lunch table, and so was Kuntaro.

 

Neko: Oh! Hi…Kuntaro.

 

Kuntaro: Hi, Neko! I came here to ask you…

 

Neko: What?

 

Kuntaro: Wanna go on….

 

Neko: YES?!

 

Kuntaro: A scavenger hunt? Too look for cats that are abondened and rescue them to put them in the pet shop so someone could buy them.

 

Neko:…Yeah, alright. At least I’ll be with him…

 

Kuntaro: I knew you liked kittens.

 

Neko smiled.

 

Kuntaro turned around pretending to couch, while he really blushed.

 

Ichigo was happy.

 

Neko: I’m a brown-haired girl…he’s a black-haired boy…what color would we make?

 

Ichigo: Well, Black, Brown, of course, and maybe Dark Blue or Dark Green.

 

Neko: Wow…

 

That afternoon, Kuntaro and Neko went to rescue kittens.

 

Neko and Kuntaro found 7 kittens, and put them in the shop.

 

Then Neko and Kuntaro went to a peak, were water was under them, and the moon looked overhead.

 

Neko: It’s so…nice.

 

Kuntaro: Yup.

 

Neko: It’s also cold…brr!

 

Kuntaro wrapped around his sweater on Neko.

 

Neko blushed.

 

Neko: Thank you…Kuntaro..

 

Kuntaro: You know, Neko, even though we just met…I…

 

AUTHOR NOTES

 

HAHA! Cliffy! I need reviews! Okay? It’ll be great! The nest chapter is the last, sorry, I have other fanficcie’s to do too! Well, the final chapter will be great!

 

 

 

 

Meet the new Mew-Mew!

 

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY EXCEPT NEKO, KUNTARO, AND AKAMAN!

 

Chapter 8: The Happy Ending!

 

Sorry I haven’t updated in a long time! I have school now and…homework…I’m also making art classes!

 

story

 

Kuntaro: Neko, what’s I have been trying to say is…I love you.

 

Neko blushed deeply.

 

Neko: So do I Kuntaro, I love you too.

 

Then, they both came forward, and kissed long and sweet.

 

Neko and Kuntaro went home, both happy to be now…b-friend and g-friend!

 

Ichigo: So…how was it?!

 

Neko sighed happily.

 

Ichigo gasped in delight.

 

Ichigo: You…kiss?!

 

Neko: Yes…

 

Ichigo: I’m so happy for you!

 

Neko: Yes!!!!

 

Ichigo: Yep.

 

The day passed, and it was a nice, sunny day.

 

Neko woke up.

 

Neko felt really sick.

 

Neko coughed hard.

 

Neko: Hey! Ow…my head…Ichigo.

 

Ichigo: (puts hand on Neko’s head)Ohh! You have a fever!

 

Neko: Oh no!

 

Later,

 

Ichigo’s friends came to visit Neko.

 

Pudding: Oh no! Please get well, Onee-sama!

 

Neko: I’ll try…

 

Lettuce: Oh! This is bad!

 

Mint: It’s the stupid weather.

 

Zakuto: She’ll get better, tomorrow.

 

Neko blinked.

 

Neko: How do you know?

 

Zakuro: I had it once, got better after a day. Get well.

 

Neko: Thanks, and that’s good news!

 

Zakuro smiled.

 

Then, Kuntaro came running in.

 

Kuntaro: I heard you were sick! I came to check on you, Neko.

 

Neko blushed.

 

Neko: Thank you for worrying…

 

Kuntaro: Maybe this will make you feel better?

 

Kuntaro handed Neko flowers, and medicine.

 

Neko smiled and blushed.

 

Neko: Thank you so much, Kuntaro!

 

Kuntaro smiled.

 

Ichigo: I’ll give her the medicine, OK?

 

Kuntaro: Okay.

 

Pudding: What’s your name?

 

Kuntaro: Kuntaro Mishumi.

 

Pudding: Hello, Mishumi-kun!

 

Kuntaro smiled.

 

Then, when Neko got the medicine, she felt better, and the next day, even more.

 

Then, the aliens came again.

 

Kish: This time, we’ll defeat them!

 

Neko came by from school, and saw the aliens.

 

Neko: Defeat us? Not if I can help it!

 

Kuntaro came running, while Neko said: MEW MEW NEKO! METAMORPHOSIS!

 

Kuntaro: Neko?! You’re a…mew-mew?!

 

Neko looked behind.

 

Neko: Kuntaro! Yes…I am…

 

Neko fully transformed.

 

Neko frowned.

 

Neko: Am I weird?!?

 

Kuntaro: No! Any secrets are safe with me!

 

Neko: Really?

 

Kuntaro: Really.

 

Neko: Well, my friends are too…

 

Kuntaro: Neato!

 

Neko: Yep. Guys! The aliens!

 

The Mews came running.

 

Ichigo: Mew-Mew Straw—Huh? Kuntaro um…

 

Neko; I told him. Secrets are safe with him.

 

Ichigo nodded, and they all transformed, and fought.

 

Then, all of the aliens were hurt, and went away.

 

Mint: So much for defeating us! You didn’t!

 

Pudding: Losers! Nya-nya-nya-nya, nyaaa!

 

Neko smiled.

 

Neko and Ichigo: Yeah!

 

Kish: So, Neko likes the boy? And has interesting powers, but, I can’t think about that now, My foot, and arms, everything hurts!

 

The mew-Mews untransformed.

 

Neko: Those aliens are beaten, and I’m tired!

 

Kuntaro picked up Neko.

 

Neko blushed all the way…her whole face.

 

Kuntaro: Mind if I carry you home?

 

Neko blushed, but didn’t respond.

 

Kuntaro put her down, grabbed her hand, and they both walked to Ichigo’s house. And Mint, Pudding, Zakuro, and Lettuce all went home. And Ichigo quietly followed the couple.

 

Ichigo: I’m so happy for her.

 

Then, Ichio’s hand was grabbed by Aoyama-kun.

 

Ichigo blushed.

 

Aoyama-kun: Shall we?

 

Ichigo nodded, and the two couples walked home, hand-in-hand.

 

THE END!

 

NOTES:

 

I hope you liked it! I might make another fic. If I have time. Bye!

 

THE SUMMARY

I sure hope you didn't actually read that horrid thing posted above.

THE AUDIO VERSION WHOOOOOO

EDIT:  Link is currently broken - will be fixed soon

 

Note that the audio file isn't perfect (I'm only human - and now I'm only human with a very sore throat), and the script isn't 100% accurate in comparison to the audio.  I tend to...tangent a bit every now and then.  Also, I lied about the lack of written word.  XD

 

HERE WE GO!

 

Okay, so. I thought I'd do something different this time around. Probably obvious, considering the lack of 'the written word', which is SO not IN right now. Forget the written word, we're going back to the STONE AGE. ...Well, maybe not that far. It's hard to be clever when all you're doing is grunting and gesturing, and the latter is kind of hard to convey in audio. I'd add video, but I'm lazy. You can tell, can't you? Is the lack of an actual MST too conspicuous? Yes? Well, that's entirely intentional - shut up and stop whining so I can get to the funnies. ...Er...at least...I THINK they might be funnies. I can't promise anything at this point, I'm still getting used to the idea. I'm failing miserably, by the way.

 

Anyway, today I'm going to be summarizing a delightful little chunk of literary STUPID that goes by the oh-so-original title 'Meet the New Mew-Mew' - and it's NOT referring to Berri. But you should have known that already. You should also already know that I used the word 'summarizing' loosely - in this case, it means that this badfic's about to get a treatment similar to that of a school bully dunking an unfortunate nerd's head into a toilet bowl - a used toilet bowl. Two points to whoever can guess who the bully is. Hint? It's not the fanfic. ...........S...seriously. It's not. ...Leave me alone.

 

OKAY, SO! Seeing as author 'MEW MEW NEKO' - I'm not even freakin' joking, that's her actual username - decided to subject the rest of the internet (and subsequently ME) to this literary swirly, I decided to turn the tides on the unwitting bully. FOR THE SAKE OF MY SANITY AND EVERYONE ELSE'S. But mostly everyone else's, seeing as 'Meet the New Mew-Mew' shot my brain to near-uselessness. You see, the overarching plot is this:

 

THERE IS NONE.

 

There just isn't, okay? All it is is some whiny little fangirl - probably thirteen years old - who desperately wants to be a Mary-Sue Mew-Mew, beat the aliens up with god-moding attacks when all they want is to do is live on what was originally THEIR home planet anyway, and also make out with some made-up character. And that last part's the only vaguely redeeming quality this load of crap HAS. The problem is, I don't CARE if she wants to pair herself with her own OC, because it's only SLIGHTLY less pathetic (and creepy) than having her pair herself with a canon character! ...Or...is it even MORE pathetic and creepy? ...I...never really thought about it.

 

Don't want to, either.

 

Moving on, to the actual summary - no, it hasn't actually started yet; I have a problem with going off on tangents. It all started when-okay, no, I'm not doing that.

 

Now, I have to say, the description for this fic was probably the greatest thing about it, as it was an accurate portrayal of the HORRORS that could be found within. It is as follows: *in epic voice* Ichigo came home from school, still; blushing from Aoyama-kun! But, when she gets home, she got a cell phone call, the aleins are attacking! After their fight, and explosion came around...R&R PLEASE! COMPLETE!

 

Although actually, I'm lying, because it's just a summary of the FIRST chapter and doesn't let you in on the fact that it's REALLY about the Mew-Mew form of some whiny teenager you could care less about. It also doesn't let you in on the fact that the whole god damned fic is written in script format, aside from the first paragraph with such wacky antics as Ichigo eating strawberry ice cream like a cat (and at school, how the hell did she get strawberry ice cream at school, I wish MY school had served that) and her friends just pass it off as SUPER HUNGER - no joke, that's how it's worded. And apparently, her school gets out right after lunch, and they get out to face SCRIPT FORMAT, right off the bat. Script format - with no way to decode actions from dialogue even with DECODER RINGS.

 

Oh, you want a decoder ring anyway? Just in case? Well - THERE AREN'T ANY. Hear that? That's the author laughing as you try to figure out what the fuck she's trying to say!

 

It's especially hard when she starts all the madness off with a heaping helping of WAPANESE, a language I LOATHE WITH EVERY LAST FIBER OF MY BEING. Guess how much 'Japanese' (quote fingers) she knew? Think it was along the lines of A.) ryugunootohimenomotoyuinokirihazushi, zanryuuseiyuukiosenbusshitsu, and osomatsusamadeshita, none of which I myself can properly pronounce, or B.) kawaii, neko, ja ne, manga (yes I pronounced that wrong on purpose, JUST TO PISS YOU OFF), chan, kun, sayonara, konnichiwa, and DESU DESU DESU? Oh, gee, I bet that's a hard one.

 

But, diverging from my hatred of all things retardotaku. The first chapter was as much a disaster as...say...Disaster Movie - yes, terrible joke intended. My terrible jokes are always intended. ...And, actually...I hate to admit it, but when I take into account the rest of the story, Disaster Movie doesn't seem so much of a disaster anymore. And that's saying something - that movie gave me a migraine. The torment starts off innocently enough, sure - Ichigo just happens to bump into her beloved Aoyama-kun (and he's referred to as little else, though that's...not really a surprise or anything, I mean, there's only so many names a guy can have - it's just that he's called 'Aoyama-kun' way too much). And, unsurprisingly, when I say bump I mean...literally bump. Oh, and apparently Ichigo dropped the books she was suddenly carrying? Honestly, I only realized she'd dropped them when AOYAMA-KUN decided he'd point it out, which was kind of nice of him. At least he's thinking of the poor readers kinda.

 

Did I mention that not much is actually described in this thing? Because it's not.

 

...Where was I? Oh, right, books. So Aoyama-kun helps Ichigo pick up all of her books in some kind of gesture of affection that was detailed with all of five words - quote 'they finished helping each other' end quote - all of which were kind of inaccurate anyway, seeing as Aoyama-kun was the only one doing the helping. Then he's vaguely romantic at her, she falls like the ditz she SO is (in some kind of attempt at humor I guess???), and then she goes home and before ANYTHING ELSE CAN HAPPEN that would draw out the story with DETAILS OH NO she gets a phone call.

 

A much more eloquent Pudding with none of her 'na no da' nonsense is on the other line, whining something about needing help while in the background Pai's saying his attack. Not yelling it or anything - just saying. He's quite the reserved gentleman, after all, and doesn't want to interrupt Pudding's important phone call. He does, however, say it in all caps, which would make him kind of annoying had it been said over the internet. ...Which, technically, it was. But anyway, Pudding and Mint are fighting all on their lonesome against the aliens, and need the rest of the team to head to Central Park right away.

 

...Yeah, that's right. I said Central Park.

 

Apparently the Mew-Mews are in New York now.

 

STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE OF MANHATTAN MEW MEW, BROUGHT TO YOU BY NONE OTHER THAN 4KIDS ENTERTAINMENT! YEAH!

 

Confused about their sudden change in location, Ichigo, Lettuce, and Zakuro take enough time to arrive for all three aliens to get in attacks - none of which hit, of course, they just...got in some attacks or something. Just to make sure none of the readers forgot about them. Then, the other three girls arrive and their transformation lines are meticulously typed out - each with 'metamorphosis' misspelled. And since Ichigo's special, she gets a 'matamorphasis'. Once they've finished screeching their transformation lines in all caps, as per usual, the writer takes the time to inform us that they've all transformed. You know, because we're not intelligent enough to figure that out for ourselves, because our brain cells have all turned on each other in a massive cell-slaughter due to the retardation the fic exudes.

 

Once they've transformed - DON'T FORGET THAT, THEY TRANSFORMED - there is SO much fighting that the author doesn't even bother to go into detail on how much fighting there is! There is THAT much of it! So much that *in retard voice* Tart had booboos on his head *normal* (EXACT WORDING) and Kish curled up like a whiny baby because that's SPOT ON characterization. The author knows it, and so should we all!

 

And that, aside from the 'strange explosion sound' (which was, in actuality, the rest of my sanity imploding - not exploding like the author guessed), would be the first chapter. Blessedly short in comparison to the next few chapters, and with just enough stupid shoved in to make you want to keep reading so you can LAUGH AT IT SOME MORE. And I couldn't help but laugh at how the author's excuse to it being so short was the fact that she was late in 'joining the net' and was tiiiiired. Yeah, whine about it - you're not the only one who's tired. Know what I'm tired of? BAD FANFICS.

 

I don't even want to START summarizing the next chapter, but seeing as I LIVE for your entertainment and lack of feedback, I don't really have much of a choice, do I?

 

...Man. If I keep this up, my rambling's going to be longer than this stupid fic. ...Ah, well.

 

Chapter two begins with dialogue similar to when this 'story' was first sent to me via MIND PROBE - me screeching "What's happening?!", realizing it was an MST with an exasperated "Great!", and subsequently screaming "NO!" in a Darth Vader voice before the sheer horror caused my head to explode in a rather cartoony blast. Only this version had the Mew-Mews and wasn't as weird - just badly written. So badly written that it had the aliens terrified, so terrified so as to retreat - AND go away, as an added bonus - two for the price of one! Satisfied after opening a can of artificial whoop-ass on the poor guys, Pudding gets the bright idea of going to see what exploded, and since that's so ingenious, of COURSE everyone else goes along with it!

 

And to the DNA place they go! ...Yeah. I'm not even sure what the hell she's referring to, seeing as they don't actually head to Cafe Mew Mew until the next chapter, despite the fact that that's where the DNA-fusion-whatever-machine actually IS. But, all that really matters is that this leads up to the eventual...HA!...introduction of none other than...NEKO ROMERO (is that actually a Japanese last name? I doubt it.), otherwise known as 'MEW NEKO'. That's right - she doesn't even have a food name. I doubt 'Neko' is even considered a name in Japan, anyway, and if it is, there aren't enough words in the English OR Japanese language to describe how sympathetic I feel to the poor souls stuck with it.

 

So this 'NEKO'. Seems she and Ichigo were good buddies in the old days, for all of two years. They're both twelve, or...well...I think Ichigo might be thirteen? I have no idea - don't care, but apparently NEKO was very mature for her age, and still is. ...Yes. Very mature, though she is also described as insane. Huh. Does that seem strange to anyone else? Sure seems a bit wacky to me.

 

Then come the introductions, which somehow managed to be equally stupid; all of the Mew-Mews introduced themselves with their actual Japanese names, you know - Minto, Retasu, Purin - yet rather than the writer simply using those names, she decided that they'd go by nicknames. Nicknames which just so happened to be the English versions of their actual names. Oh, what's that? I think I hear the phone ringing - Oh, hey, redundancy! Did you want to talk to NEEECHKO? Yeah, I thought so. By the way, you don't need to call - you're already incorporated into her fic in disturbing levels. Yes. YES, she loves you. GAWD. I'm hanging up now!

 

Okay, anyway - so after the wannabe Mew-Mew is designated as mature, it's suddenly decided that she'll be in Ichigo's class and she dances around like a fucking MORON, ears and tail popping out. Makes her freak out in an entirely not-expected manner so as to cause long, winded explanations that don't actually happen; it's literally the equivalent of a cartoon character saying 'Well, you see...', and then the screen blanks to show the words 'five hours later' before it cuts back, and everyone's nice and informed so the show can actually fit in its designated time-slot. So now Neko knows she's part cheetah - oh, how surprising, it's a cat! An endangered one that EVERYONE knows about, which makes it SO inventive - and that SUDDENLY CHAPTER END.

 

...Yeah, that's a GREAT way to end a chapter. Nice one.

 

So then we begin to slosh our way through the perilous English-slime of chapter three, which starts out with something that could have been included in chapter TWO - 'Mew Neko' actually JOINING the team. At this point, it's proved a bit further how much of a Mary-Sue she is when even the ever-condescending Mint decides to be nice; and trust me, this pitiful excuse for a new Mew Mew is only going to gather more and more Mary-Sue strength as the story 'progresses'.

 

Well, now that NEKO has been formally indited into Tokyo Mew Mew (or Manhattan Mew Mew, if the inclusion of Central Park is of any indication), it's time to inform Shirogane and Keiichiro - complete with horridly improper formalities! Ryou is never referred to as anything other than his last name with no proper formality - even the script refers to him as just Shirogane - and although he's older and should garner more respect, Keiichiro is always referred to by HIS first name. And of course, in typical Wapanese-y fashion, the only word of greeting the author knows is 'Konnichiwa', and she uses it - LIBERALLY. I can rest peacefully knowing that I've gotten the chance to read the phrase 'Konnichiwa to you, too', and by peacefully, I mean I'll be ROLLING IN MY GRAVE.

 

Honestly, why the hell would you type in mock-Japanese when the English word is SHORTER? And EASIER TO SPELL?

 

Not to mention the fact that 'Konnichiwa' is a VERY casual term to use when you're being introduced to someone - all very well where Ryou's concerned, sure, but for Keiichiro? (Hajimemashite and douzo yoroshiku - look it up, retardotakus. ...Actually, don't, you'll just spew more epic fail onto the internet.)

 

I really wish I could get away from all the horrid attempts at Japanese so I could stop ranting about it. Ugh.

 

So now it's time for Neko to start working as a waitress, in the same outfit as all the others only ignoring every concept of fashion, having insisted on it being purple, blue, and pink - which would NOT work with that kind of outfit. Although the fact that I mentally assigned the colors to be the most obnoxious ones I could think of probably had something to do with it (fuchsia, any of the MS Paint blues, and Barbie Pink which is - in my opinion - just a more obnoxious version of fuchsia). She gets her metamorphosis jewel, too - it just poofs in front of her. Just like that. And in that same poof, thank every existing higher power, the author is suddenly able to properly spell metamorphosis. Miracles DO happen!

 

Going back to the topic of that horrible outfit, though, Keiichiro apparently has super-sewing powers, as he had it ready in...eh...all of about two seconds - he also knew exactly where her Mew Mew marking was just from what animal she was fused with (her leg - JUST LIKE ICHIGO HOW FUNNY). Then he ran around, slipped and fell, like the clumsy moron he SO is.

 

Not that anyone cares about Keiichiro, because after this, he only appears one other time for ONE SINGLE LINE. And poor Ryou! He only got two lines! Keiichiro got at LEAST eight! (Yes, I counted, shut up. It's not as bad as counting all the misused verbs in some other badfic. ...Which I've also done. ...GOD, I'm a loser.)

 

...Now that I think about it, where the heck is Masha? It's not like he's...you know...the only thing that can detect the aliens and their Chimera Anima. Instead, for this fanfic, it's Zakuro's job. Quick, Zakuro, use your super-special-awesome-plot-device vision to look through the cafe's walls and find out that something the author didn't bother to detail is going horribly wrong! Surprise! It's ALIENS!

 

Kish is apparently the only one who's thrilled at the appearance of a new Mew Mew - weird, seeing as that makes his job even more difficult, and aside from this and another stupid line, he doesn't even seem to care about her at all. Or Ichigo for that matter, which is terribly out of character. ...Not that any of the characters were behaving properly anyways.

 

So, they all transform - REMEMBER, THEY TRANSFORMED (just in case you forgot right after they all shouted their transformation lines) - and start to battle in a terribly detailed scene. And here I was, thinking the lack of detail was bad. So while all the original Mew Mews battle, Neko stands there like the retard she is, cooing over the ears and tail she ALREADY KNEW ABOUT and how, OOOOOOOO, she has a PRETTY DRESS. Good ol' Pudding sets her straight by yelling at her to help, and then we get the rare (HA!) opportunity to see a Mary-Sue in action.

 

With one attack, she knocks Tart out - he somehow gets up a second later, of course, because that's how getting knocked out works - but he's TOO SCARED to keep on fighting. Because a cheetah-girl is JUST THAT SCARY. ...Actually, the Cheetah Girls ARE pretty scary.

 

...Bad jokes aside, the author goes on to pile on yet more retardation in the form of an added attack - 'Ribbon Neko Roar', utterly disregarding the fact that cheetahs CAN'T ACTUALLY ROAR. Hey - Mew Neko! Are you sure you're not a leopard?

 

Oh, and did you think she hit the glass ceiling of retarded Mary-Sue-ness? Well, wrong again - she crashes right through it! You guessed it, my friends, Mew Neko has an added total of THREE attacks - the last being 'Ribbon Neko Run Over', which brings to my mind at least three dozen synonyms for the word 'stupid'. And while Kish is considering her moronic powers as 'interesting', Mew Neko is showing her previously mentioned 'maturity' by calling them such classic names as 'lame-o faces'.

 

And so, the day is saved, blah blah blah, and wait - what the hell? Neko and her parents are suddenly moving in with Ichigo?! Even though Ichigo's house is portrayed as modestly small in both the manga and anime?! You'd think Neko's parents would have a house of their own, geez! Freeloaders.

 

They've made themselves so much at home already that when Ichigo's cel rings again, Neko's the one to pick up - surprise of surprises, it's AOYAMA-KUN, who is appropriately confused by Neko's cel phone snatching antics. She then claims to be a close CLOSE friend of Ichigo's, you know, despite their being separated for years on end and having only been reacquainted for a single day, and also she was told about AOYAMA-KUN while we weren't paying attention (all things considered, I'd be amazed if someone managed to pay attention past the first paragraph other than to make fun of it all). And poor Masaya just grins and bears it until he gets fed up enough to ask for the actual owner of the phone.

 

So he can ask her on a date, of course. And being the submissive woman she is, Ichigo just goes along with whatever he has to say - date at 8:00 that exact night and also he wants to meet her friend afterward. Disregarding the fact that it'd be WAAAAY past curfew by that point, because they're TWELVE! Would either of their parents even LET them go out that late?! But, regardless of parental guidance (or LACK thereof), the date is finalized and the chapter ends, being designated as a cliffhanger even though it's CLEARLY not.

 

Begin the horror of chapter four, which apparently SOMEHOW managed to garner positive reviews. It's hard to figure how people are actually bought in by this shit, but then I remember that those same people probably write even worse stuff that I REALLY need to hunt down and rip to pieces.

 

Now, chapter four decides to take a rather creepy turn - rather than Ichigo and Masa- er, I mean, Aoyama-kun - going on their date like couples are wont to do...NEKO TAGS ALONG. HOW ROMANTIC. What's even more romantic is the notion that she tagged along to 'save Ichigo some embarrassment'. You'd think having her friend forcibly join them would be embarrassing enough in the first place. And, like on every date, it's crucial to go to the one place you work at all the time and CERTAINLY aren't sick of seeing; that's right, Cafe Mew Mew. Nothing fancy. Just the place Ichigo - and now NEEECHKO - works.

 

At the very least, I guess they'll be getting all their food for free.

 

So, Neko decides to do something vaguely similar to working - the only time she actually works as a waitress EVER - and does so by telling Keiichiro not to embarrass Ichigo (how...nice...?) and then serving the preteen couple the food Masa - AOYAMA-KUN - orders and Ichigo subserviently agrees to. Despite the fact that it's cake and not actual food. Strawberry cake, by the way. Because we're SO not tired of Ichigo eating strawberry-flavored things, and I bet SHE'S not tired of it, either!

 

And despite her nervousness, unlike most people, Ichigo's able to eat every bit of that cake. BECAUSE IT'S SO - OH GOD SOMEONE STOP ME BEFORE I MAKE THIS PORTAL REFERENCE! *crashing noise*

 

...Okay, that's better.

 

Now that they've...'eaten'...they head to an amusement park. The Tunnel of Love, of course, is the only ride they go on. And Ichigo gets so nervous she starts breathing in a manner similar to some kind of horrid blubby otaku when their hentai torrent finishes downloading. All the while, like the fuckin' creepy freak she is, Neko spies on them, probably getting off on it as the two unwitting lovers spill their feelings for each other and then make out for a while - BECAUSE THAT'S ALL LOVE IS ABOUT.

 

So then Ichigo goes home, Neko makes what will become a hypocritical statement about how boys are gross, then since there's absolutely no room in Ichigo's tiny house, she has to build a hammock to sleep in. Where she even got that hammock is anyone's guess. I'm certainly not going to waste yet more time to wonder about it, especially now that the chapter is over.

 

But the torment itself isn't - there's still four more thank-the-gods-they're-short chapters to go, yet for some reason, it doesn't seem like it's going to end anytime soon. This is getting painful.

 

So, chapter five, which reveals its plot in the title alone - Aoyama-kun kidnapped (and Neko's plan I GUESS). The madness begins with Ichigo finding her unwanted Mary-Sue roommate in an IMPOSSIBLE sleeping position (unless Neko's a contortionist - I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she was, though), and then there's some useless tickle-fight stuff we could care less about. 'Could care less' would also be an accurate description of how I feel about EVERYTHING this fic has to offer.

 

Especially its unique brand of humor - "Eat breakfast to break your fast!" being a prime example of the comedy fool's gold.

 

At least Neko ADMITS it's not funny.

 

Then, once they're finished 'breaking their fast', they head to the amusement park - AGAIN. This time with all the other girls, and Purin is apparently more retarded than usual, spewing out the word 'qwadrople' and then correcting herself with 'mitosis' (SO close, Pudding!) and 'gingingivtus' - Neko finds this oh-so-funny because it's an incorrectly spelled gum disease. There's nothing funnier than gum disease, guys. Can't you SEE the funny? ...Well, I sure can't - my eyes bled out of my skull sometime around chapter two.

 

How am I reading this, you ask? ...I borrowed fanfic-Zakuro's super-special-awesome-plot-device vision, that's how. Now stop asking questions.

 

Seriously, stop it.

 

I'M GOING TO DROWN OUT YOUR OBNOXIOUS QUESTIONS BY TALKING ABOUT THE AMUSEMENT PARK SOME MORE. Ichigo and friends, and Neko too I suppose, decided they'd do the smartest and ONLY thing you can do at an amusement park - eat a ton of food before going on all the rides. Or, as the fanfic put it, going on the roller coaster and many more rides and food. I wonder what kind of ride 'food' is?

 

Whatever kind of ride it is, it made them sick. 'Cept Zakuro - she was smart (or...er...as smart as a badfic persona can be) and didn't eat as much. Thus, feeling appropriately sick, they all go back home, which is - of course - the magic antidote for an upset stomach, because their being sick is never mentioned again. Instead, Ichigo gets another call - from the LAMEST villain to ever appear EVER except for maybe the Saint Rose Crusaders. Seriously, what the fuck was up with them.

 

Anyway, rather than just letting the guy talk, Ichigo decides to interrupt him every time he tries to say something, before FINALLY he gets in that he wants a million dollars for Aoyama-kun's safe return. Ichigo chooses then to ask him if he's a criminal – damn near Sherlock Holmes, this girl is. Then, sobbing like a little baby rather than wondering why the kidnapper would call a twelve-year-old girl for the ransom in the first place, Ichigo tells her CLOSEST FRIEND, who gets an incredibly bright idea.

 

...Oh, did I say bright idea? Because giving a criminal a million dollars in the equivalent of Monopoly money is anything but. Doing so in a 'place where cameras are on national TV' is also anything but, seeing as the large cameras and sets and whatnot would be a DEAD FUCKING GIVEAWAY.

 

But all the other Mew Mews figure Neko's plan is genius, because NEKO IS SO SMART AND MATURE AND EVERYBODY LOVES HER. So off they go – quote 'to a website and print out one million dollars play money' end quote, and then the chapter ends with another designation of it being a cliffhanger, which I guess is kind of accurate if only because I'm hanging off the edge of the cliff of SANITY over a literary sea of frothing MADNESS.

 

It also ends with the author apologizing for its shortness, yet also saying its a long chapter, and then telling us her bedtime as though we CARE.

 

And now...ahh...Chapter Six. So close to freedom... Once again, the 'plot' is pretty much spoiled in the title alone, and then we get a glimpse into how retarded being in a fanfic has made the Mew Mews, who have been printing out the million dollars...IN ONES. So in an incredibly epic waste of time, we get to see them run to the store – AS CHIBIS HOW KAWAIIII – buy some more ink because they ran out due to printing ONES instead of...oh, I dunno...HUNDREDS MAYBE, and then run back home – OHMIGOD AS CHIBIS AGAIN SUGOOOOI.

 

That heap of stupid over with, they get a conveniently timed call from that same villain, who tells them to go to Miami, Florida to meet him at 'the house that's mostly dark', which could describe all of about fifty thousand houses. And, just agreeing to it rather than just calling the cops and having them – gee, maybe trace the call or something? Or go to that very specific location? - the Mew Mews sit and wonder how they're going to get from Manhattan to Miami.

 

It's again Neko that has a bright idea- ((snrk)) -and this time it's to use her special 'Camouflage (spelled wrong) Gum' that she's ALWAYS HAD SHUT UP. Apparently this magically impossible gum will make you invisible so you can sneak illiterate Mary-Sue terrorists onto planes, and at this point, I'm not entirely sure if the author is even trying to be SERIOUS anymore.

 

By the way, author, Willy Wonka called. He wants the recipe for that gum back. See, it's still in testing, and according to the tests so far...it causes brain damage. ...It's fatal.

 

So now they're in Miami I guess – BE SURE TO CATCH THE NEW SPIN-OFF MIAMI MEW MEW AT EIGHT A.M. ON SATURDAY, BROUGHT TO YOU BY 4KIDS – and Mint makes an entirely hilarious joke about Florida being the hottest place she's ever been to.

 

Cut to the mostly dark house that is entirely specific. Yes. It's a very creepy mostly dark house, apparently, owned by an equally creepy guy who walks creepy – did I mention it's creepy?

 

Seeing as he's dealing with preteens, I think the villain might be a pedophile, anyway.

 

...Moving on.

 

Now that they're face to face with this mysterious villain, Neko says they'll give him the money at a conveniently nearby video studio – totally not obvious at all, if the villain's agreement is of any indication. You'd think the guards would be a dead giveaway, but they were asleep anyway.

 

And the rest of the staff, too, it seems, yet all the equipment was on and the cameras were rolling – making for the most boring show on national television that only police watch apparently. So, once showing that they're 'good teens' the police figure they'll go and help, because a wanted criminal they recognize just isn't enough these days.

 

Speaking of that wanted criminal, he didn't notice the money was fake. He's got to be a riot in bank robberies – direct him to a vault of Monopoly money and he'll jump for joy.

 

After revealing the criminal's alias – 'AKA-man', how clever – the police 'toke' AKA-man AKA Reddy Jones AKA dumbest villain ever to jail and Ichigo gets some alone time with Aoyama-kun, and makes out with him some more while Neko watches again. GOD, is she creeping anyone else out?!

 

Okay, chapter over, and Ichigo comes out to tell us that the next chapter's just about her and Neko, and also some love interest for Neko. Basically, it's just about Neko. NEKO NEKO NEKO, as though we want to read about a voyeuristic Mary-Sue.

 

Next chapter I don't want to summarize but will for your entertainment I guess starts out with the usual amount of uselessness – Ichigo freaks that she only has half an hour to dress, as though that would be SO HARD because it takes THIRTY MINUTES to put on a school uniform, OH NO. Then to follow this chunk of useless is some stuff about recording Hamtaro while they eat breakfast, and then just watching the recorded version – remember guys...the recorded version – after they eat, as though it's impossible to eat and watch TV at the same time.

 

But OHHHH NOOOO its makes them late for school – oh wait. Convenient schedule change so school starts later. Never mind, then. Well, better go to school anyway! Because being early is an Ichigo thing to do, and Neko doesn't have anything better to do – at least, until she SEES a boy and just...gets the FEELING that she LOVES him.

 

A total stranger! SHE LOVES HIM. HE'S SO KAKOI! So, blushing like an apple, she's urged to talk to him – instead, she falls on him in an exact duplicate of what happened between Ichigo and Aoyama-kun in the first chapter, dropped books and everything. Then Kuntaro (yes I said that wrong on purpose) Mishumi decides to sit with her at lunch, while Neko is SOOOO NERVOUS and asks Ichigo not to embarrass her.

 

Ichigo asks then if Neko embarrassed her on her date, and while the readers all reply with a resounding YES, Neko clearly thinks otherwise. Because tagging along with your friend when they're trying to go on a 'just the two of us' date with their significant other isn't a cause for them to be embarrassed at all.

 

Meanwhile, Kuntaro – through constant interruptions from Miss Mary-Sue – finally manages to ask Neko if she'd like to go on a 'scavenger hunt', which in this case actually means rescuing stray kittens (GET IT, CUZ THEY'RE CATS, LIKE NEKO) and, rather than taking them to an animal shelter like how it would work in real life, they'll be putting them directly into a pet shop. Possible diseases and fleas be damned. Embarrassed at asking her such a stupid thing, Kuntaro hides his face and couches – not coughs, couches – and blushes, how kawaiii.

 

I'd be embarrassed, too, if a girl I'd just met blatantly turned to her friend and wondered what hair colors the children would have. And because genetics TOTALLY WORK LIKE THAT, the possibilities are as follows: brown, black...and DARK BLUE OR GREEN.

 

I hate you, author.

 

I just fucking hate you.

 

Diverging from my hatred, the chapter ends with Neko and Kuntaro going on their 'scavenger hunt' ((cough))DATE((cough)), and Kuntaro deciding that even though he just met her, he's IN LOVE. Because THAT'S HOW LOVE WORKS.

 

Okay, truth be told, he doesn't decide that in this chapter. It's in the very beginning of the next, which isn't really a big difference anyway. It just results in the author designating yet another chapter as being a 'cliffy', a word that grates on my nerves because of how moronically dumb it sounds.

 

Next chapter – and LAST, FINALLY – involves some making-out we don't need to think about, Neko going home to Ichigo's home which should NOT be Neko's home, and Ichigo is absolutely delighted that Neko's got a boyfriend now, probably because she's sick of sharing her room and is hoping for her to move in with Kuntaro instead. Which would probably happen if this fic had been drawn out any longer.

 

Same chapter, next morning – and Neko's sick because Kuntaro was just messing with her when he told her he loved her and only wanted to give her his cold. And honestly, considering the mind-numbing flood of boring that follows, that would have made for a much more tolerable read.

 

Instead, he brings her flowers and medicine – admittedly sweet, but at this point I don't care – and meets the other Mew Mews, finds out about them being Mew Mews and obviously cares about as much as I do about this whole damn fic. Cue aliens, and a battle scene SO drawn out that it is, again, not detailed at all – which, by now, is honestly preferable.

 

And then the aliens were hurt, and went away, and there was some stupid babbling I didn't even bother actually reading that ended up with the two couples heading back to Ichigo's clearly not overcrowded house. Cue end of story, which ends our torment, FOREVER.

 

The author's threat to make another fic is good cause for worry, though.

 

Not that I'm going to go looking for it. Fuck no. I value my remaining brain cells.

 

Thus comes to a close the first audio MST slash summary slash badfic theatre slash I don't even know where I'm going with this, I should just quit while I'm only vaguely behind. Meanwhile, the rating for this fic, on a scale from one to stupid, sits pretty high up there – it DID crash through the glass ceiling of moronity, after all. So, it gets an all-around ten, because it was JUST THAT BAD.

 

Okay, so! That's the end of that, and I'm going to go gouge out all the parts of my throat that hurt from talking so much, and then I'm gonna go SLEEP.

 

Stay tuned for the next episode, I guess – Krys out!

 

Hope you were vaguely entertained.  WHOOOOO  *flies away*